Uncle Ben is not human

It has come to our attention, that, Uncle Ben is not human.

He is a dwarf from Middle Earth, despite LOTR being racist. He can not see above the average kitchen table. But dwarfism is not the problem, there are small people in the world. But Uncle Ben is part of the Winrristin, an ancient cult, founded to destroy our sacred religion McHarriter.

This page will self-destruct in 0.0001 seconds. By launching a nuke at your current location.

Anyway, we believe Unlce Ben has poisoned the microwave rice so that the famous: Mike Hock, would shrink.

The only way to Kill Ben volume 3 is to take a lawn mower and run it over his face. This will create a chain reaction resulting in fission inside Trimmer's anus. This will release a gas that can paralyse LOTR dwarves, then we can capture Uncle Ben and throw him back into Narnia.

Then we can go home and celebrate with Squidward's Suicide.
 * 1) Never attmept to apprehend dwarves, they will kill you with MY AXE
 * 2) To lure dwarves, shout VIKINGARRR
 * 3) To kill dwarves take away their life source e.g kill them.
 * 4) to amputate dwarves, well don't amuptate dwarves
 * 5) Keep a mince pie at all times
 * 6) do not leave unattended luggage by dwarves
 * 7) If a dwarf attacks you, cut his beard off
 * 8) watch the HUMANO CENTIPEDO DOS for inspiration
 * 9) eat a chucky cheese.
 * 10) ALWAYS pardon the pun